I kid you not – I saw three Jokers on the way to work this morning, all in different locations but all in full make-up and dress, at 8am?! I bet for every one I saw there were another hundred, they’re spreading like germs!

I stretched my conches last night and it hurts to wear headphones, so much so that I squeak when I put them on.

(If you’re wondering why I look so tired it’s because I keep being woken up multiple times a night by noisy fuckers)

I was researching something for BMEvideo and had to use Google to translate the Wikipedia page..

I can name eight things more annoying than being without Internet for eight hours, can you?

1) Fruit flies.

2) Stubbing my toe on the bottom of the bed then banging my head on the wooden floor all in the space of one sit-up.

3) Developing a craving for expensive sushi and stuffed olives at 1:06 in the morning and 48 hours before payday.

4) People who leave fruit out which then attracts flies that like fruit.

5) Sex noises that I had no hand in making and will forever remain a mystery. Oh the intrigue!

7) Innumeracy.

Why won’t anyone ever play chess with me?

Oh yeah, because I always win. It’s a lonely world when you’re good at things.