Dave and I were just out back being manly and decided that as CST wants to use the garden swing when she gets back we’re going to cover it tacks and conductive gel, wire it to the mains supply and flick the switch as soon as she’s relaxed.

We’re also going to either..

a) Tell her we’ve washed her some clothes because we’re lovely and want her to be happy, but actually we’re going to hope she has a cold (so she can’t smell) then rub meat into the sleeves and boob area of a shirt, hollow out the swing and fill it full of small angry badgers, which will smell the tasty food and swarm her like wasps.

Erm, I can’t remember b), I think it was much the same but Dave wanted to put boxes of big badgers opposite the swing which we could open using some rope and laughing from the room above.

Although I think I added quite a bit to both those ideas as I was typing, because I’m an evil genius.